Roseanne Now Has Full Control Of “The Connors” Thanks to a Los Angeles Jury


A Los Angeles jury awarded Roseanne Barr $208 million and handed her the keys to the show it said ABC stole from her, “The Conners.” According to her manager, Art Tubolls, it looks like she’s just gonna scrap the whole thing.

“Roseanne certainly doesn’t want to do a ‘return from the dead’ type scenario, and she doesn’t want to produce the show as it is, so her plan is to stick it to the libs and cancel it.”

The show’s current cast said the news came as a shock. “We take comfort knowing she has enough money to disappear happily,” said John Goodman, “and we’re also grateful for five seasons of free cash on ABC.”

Goodman says besides the show’s main character, Sarah Gilbert, and fellow lesbian Laurie Metcalf, the rest are more than happy to be done selling their souls for wokeness. “I can finally get back to what I love: ballet,” said Lecy Gorensen, “It’s been such a bore playing a normal person.”


No matter what Roseanne decides to do, she wins. She took the network for a pile of cash and nobody will be raking in any cash from her ideas unless she says so.

Thats how the good ol’ US of A works, patriots. God Bless America.