CBS Offers Roseanne Barr $100 Million to Write a New Sitcom


CBS Entertainment has reportedly offered Roseanne Barr $100 million to write a new show. “They’re looking for something along the lines of what Tim Allen did. A conservative-leaning show that real Americans will be proud to watch.”

The network believes a new show from someone like Roseanne will bring viewers back to primetime cable. Spokesman Joe Barron says if it works, they can build a whole new genre.

“Imagine bringing people back to 8 PM rather than binging entire series on Netflix every time a new season comes out. Sitcoms represent family time and old-fashioned laughter. We believe Roseanne has what it takes to write a feel-good show her own generation will love to watch.”

Roseanne is a Baby Boomer, and the bulk of her audience is as well. That means the jokes will have to be fairly simple and there will need to be lots of references to the troops. They should probably address the All Lives Matter movement and have Kyle Rittenhouse do a gun safety episode.


The series will hopefully start filming later this year, as soon as Roseanne comes up with something great. “I built an entire show around a 40-minute standup0 act,” she said, “I’m pretty sure I can put together something about the last few years in this country.”

She promised NOT to sing the national anthem. Ever again. God Bless America.