ABC To Replace “The View” With “Shark Tank”


ABC television is just like any other business. When something is failing, you quietly tamp it down until it’s eventually gone, and replace it with something that the people actually like. And The View has become that failing business.

Just last week, The View lost fifteen more sponsors, forcing it to air random self-serving graphics at times. Executives like Joe Barron believe it was host Whoopi Goldberg who’s most recent puzzling behavior contributed to the falling ratings and declining popularity of the program.

“I think Whoopi is far too abrasive for that morning slot. Most of the older goats up at that time in the day are conservative wasteoids who just got their dumb kids off to school and are having their first Manhattan. Whoopi is just too liberal for them.”

The network is temporarily replacing the show with their popular hit “Shark Tank” while they consider their options for the future. Shark Tank is an exercise in Capitalism where five “sharks”, or, rich assholes, decide whether or not to invest in an amateur inventor.


Meanwhile, the cast of the View are engaged in other pursuits, with Joy Behar heading to MSNBC for her own talk show, and Ana Navarro considering her burgeoning modelling career.

As for Goldberg, with the pressure of paying off the lawsuits that she’s involved in, as well as her new business making tiaras out of her own pubic hair, she’ll have plenty to consume her.

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