Denzel Washington Refuses To Work for Disney’s “Woke Cinematic Universe”


Denzel Washington says he opted out of a huge role in the Marvel Cinematic Universe that would have netted him more than $30 million because he has no intention of “going woke.”

“They wanted me to play a major character, but they wanted me to pretend he was secretly gay. I was supposed to play a gay man who struggles with who he is. In a superhero movie. No thanks.”

Washington wouldn’t confirm exactly which character he was slated to “out,” but our experts have narrowed it down to either Thanos or Groot. “They’re the only ones that make sense,” said Marvel’s Director of Operations Jo Barron, “but it wasn’t them.”

So who was it? Marvel went through superheroes like PBR at a Trump rally for a while there. There’s no telling how many of the characters may have been secretly gay. Some insisted that had Agent Carter met Black Widow in their primes that there could have been really good chemistry there, along with a scene probably not suited for a PG-13 movie.


At any rate, Washington says there’s no chance you’ll see him working for the woke anytime soon. “I do movies that win awards,” said the superstar, “Rember the Titans? Yeah. You Remember the Titans.”

Washington currently has 11 awards from the Black Oscars he refuses to accept, as well as 3 regular Oscars he proudly displays on top of his refrigerator. God Bless America.