Super Bowl ads are some of the most expensive anywhere on the planet. They can fetch as much as $130 million per minute. Imagine spending that, plus the cost of producing a world-class spot, and the Woke Bowl gets the worst ratings ever.
11 of the advertisers that paid good money say they will never spend with the Super Bowl again. “It didn’t pay off,” said Fox’s Greg Gutfeld, “our folks didn’t bother tuning in at all, and those who did flipped as soon as the black people started singing.”
Other notable companies that won’t return include Chick Fil A, Hobby Lobby, Koch Industries, and Jesus. “We thought our commercial showing minorities in a rage would be just what the doctor ordered,” said the Messiah, “but apparently, the woke crowd was upset by that.”
A USA Today writer started his morning with an op-ed about the Super Bowl being the blackest and wokest of all time. He’s probably correct. And in an America divided by those who believe having two national anthems makes us racist somehow, it’s probably a good thing.
“We’re okay if Jesus spends at the Puppy Bowl next year instead,” said the Super Bowl, “we thought the whole thing was pretty good. Even the haters who poked fun at Rihanna for being so laid back got a nice surprise when she revealed a new woke addition to an ever-evolving country.”
Yeah, whatever, bro. Go grab a White Claw from your Yeti Cooler. The real Americans will be singing about the glory of war and praying for football things. God Bless America.